May promises to be banner month for geocachers the world over. The Moon is in Gemini, which means the reciprocal orbital path of Jupiter squared to the distance around the sun of Mars at 40% orbit, less the circumference of earth will cause all sealed containers placed on or slightly below the surface of the earth to swell. This swelling should cause said containers to be ever so slightly more exposed than they were previously.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Study the terrain ahead of you very carefully this month. Quicksand, alligator filled swamps, and sudden bursts of flame from the portals of hell all await you. The Gemini Moon will try to rush you along, hoping to witness your agony purely for the entertainment value.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Your month begins with a smooth surge of adrenaline pumping acceleration, heavy G forces, and eye popping good looks. You’re either geocaching in the fast lane or buying a new ‘vette. Enjoy whichever it turns out to be.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Oh my, oh dear no! Please say it isn’t going to be so! Really? That’s simply horrible! You got trubba buddy, big big trubba.
Leo July (23-August 22) You’ll be making geocaching history this month. The entire community will sing your praises and laud your name. The international press will pick up the story and launch you into a career of profession competitive geocaching, making you a millionaire by month’s end. Or not.
Virgo (August 23-September 22) Virgos like to see a sign, a clear message before they act. This compulsion infects every aspect of your life, including geocaching. But I have to tell you, if you’re stopped at a stop sign waiting for a sign to go, it isn’t coming.
Libra (September 23-October 22) Unleash your hidden talents and expose yourself to the geocaching world this month. Set up that 12 point multi with the final 30 feet up a phone pole that you’ve been contemplating. You may not get many finders, but not many other geocachers were born with a monkey tail like you.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) Don't admit failure just because everyone says that you will. Don’t quit just because the majority of your friends believe you a quitter. Don’t cry when your best friend calls you a crybaby. Put on your geocaching cap and…..well, come to think of it, you suck.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) The early bird got the worm, and the eager beaver ate all the trees. Your 12 gage shotgun will give you a distinct advantage in the end though. It’s just tough to stuff it into your geocaching gear bag.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19) Celebrate your success! Another marvelous accomplishment is yours! Rejoice in the warm afterglow of another hard earned notch in your belt. And now that your belt is fixed and your pants will stay up, get out there and find a cache!
Aquarius (January 20-February 17) Gather all your geocaching gear together, your GPS receiver, your stamp, your pack and all the contents. Then throw it all in the trash. Sorry to break it to you but that's what the stars are saying.
Pisces (February 18-March 19) Be spontaneous and unpredictable, laugh when you should cry, run when you should walk, and blabber on when you should just shut your trap. These types of outrageous actions will divert everyone’s attention away from the 27 consecutive DNFs you will log this month.
Aries (March 20-April 19) You have a wealth of information at your fingertips, use it for good. Postpone your world domination ambitions until at least next month and instead apply your energy to solving that five star puzzle cache.