The moon in Scorpio passes Venus and Mars, only further aggravating a planetary rivalry that predates any of us. The electric personality of Mars will wreak havoc on the satellites as they pass over the northern hemisphere. The Richter scale will register the faint vibrations in the earth as geocachers the world over shake their GPS units in frustration.
Aries (March 21-April 19). It's time to end your custom of not showering or brushing your teeth before a big cache hunt. More so since you'll be at an event cache.
Taurus (April 20-May 20). The space-time continuum will be warped for you this month. Expect a lot of daja vu experiences as you re-log all of your caches again. The good news is that you will easily double your find count.
Gemini (May 21-June 21). Look over there in the bushes! That's your estranged spouse shooting a video of you wandering in circles and overturning rocks as you attempt to FTF the cache placed for that very purpose.
Cancer (June 22-July 22). You can look for that cache until the cows come home and you will continue to be stymied by its clever placement and poor coordinates. But know this; once Doctor and Mrs. Cow get back from the New Year's celebration they're going to be none to happy to find you there.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). The astral bodies suggest that you hone your geocaching skills at home for the time being. That little stunt you pulled over at the elementary school is going to be remembered for some time.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Team based geocaching is your best bet this month. Not only will you find more caches with the extra help, that double stick-in-the-eye on the 12th will make it hard for you to see anyway. Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). They will continue to lie to and about you. Hang tough, the geocaching community will help you find the things that need finding and lose the things that need losing.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Scorpio is the most rebellious of the signs. You will continue to be frustrated by your avid refusal to use the encrypted cache clues or the coordinates to find geocaches this month. You really should examine your priorities.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. It would be best to make sure that everyone in your party has gone to the bathroom before departure.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The stars had a laundry list of warnings for you this month. Unfortunately we simply don't have the space here to catalog them all.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). There are only so many places a cache can be hidden. Why do you keep going back to that same stump? The stars are rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at you.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). Uh, well, by the time I got around to your horoscope the sky had clouded over and the stars were no longer viewable. Stay in your room until next month.
