Leo July (23-August 22) Leo Leo Leo, what can I say, you are the geo-lion in the local community. Other cachers tremble when they hear your mighty roar or see you baring your fangs. You really need to relax on your FTF quest though, and trim those fingernails.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) The stars are undecided on your fate this month. Half are seeing a lot of success in the geocaching arena for you, the other half are seeing some marital discord. The other half are saying it’s a little of both. Well, stars might be good at predicting the future, but they are not so great at math.

Libra (September 23-October 22) Ok, come-on back, keep coming, little more, little more, little more, plenty of room, keep coming, Ok stop. No, stop! STOP!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21) You will have an epiphany this month while searching for yet another micro-cache in a park. After 238 film canisters, 112 altoids tins, and 78 bison tubes, you will realize that you forgot your entire family at that rest stop in Nebraska.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) While looking for a tough cache this month you will find the remains of the mythical Sasquatch under a shrub. Unfortunately your drive to find the cache will cause you to ignore this historical find, and the fame and fortune it would have brought you. What’s really startling is that even knowing this, you will still ignore it.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) This month you will be heard saying, “I’m loading the whole geo-family and the geo-hound into the geo-van for a geo-vacation!” The stars would like you to see how freaking lame that sounds.

Aquarius (January 20-February 17) I tried really hard to get your horoscope this month, but all the stars are saying is:
“When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Aquarius!
Aquarius!”

Pisces (February 18-March 19) Become one with the hunt and visualize yourself finding the cache. Really, after that drunken rampage on the 3rd, that’s all the caching you’ll be doing for the next 18 months.

Aries (March 20-April 19) Complication is the key word for Aries this month. You could hide a cache, or you could find a cache. You could hide a tough cache, or an easy one. You may spend all day looking for one really difficult cache, or twelve simple ones. You really should seek counsel somewhere.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) How many caches are too many? You’ll try to answer that question this month by clearing out all the nearby caches in your town. You’ll also be arrested for carrying that flamethrower inside city limits.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) Obstacles will bow before you and hindrances will call you master. You will be spotting cache containers from 100 yards or more and even the most difficult and obscure puzzles will be simple. You are the geocache king this month. Enjoy it while you can because next month you’re a vegetable.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Some will likely call you superstitious, but your cache finding method works so stick with it. True, doing the hokey pokey when you’re within 20 feet of the hide location looks odd, but it’s not illegal.