To Whom It May Concern:
I noticed your call for articles with a "supernatural theme," and I just knew I had to write you. I am, without a doubt, the most totally fascinating supernatural travel bug that you will ever be lucky to hear from. You may call me the "California Vampire" because I'm afraid I can't tell you my real name. You'd just mess up the pronunciation.
Currently I live in England, but started my bodacious life in California, USA over 200 years ago. California provided me with many interesting diversions--especially in Hollywood. I was even an extra for the movie "Lost Boys" (1987) staring Kiefer Sutherland (before he was really famous). Originally the movie was supposed to be a very serious horror flick, but the producers liked the fun edge I put into the movie with all my real vampire experiences. I mean there hasn't been a real vampire on a movie set since "Shadow of the Vampire." They were drooling over my expertise. After making such a dramatic impact on the plot and feel of the film, I expected a lot much-deserved recognition. Instead, the producers simply took their profits, forgot about my contributions, and left me out looking for more blood on my own.
I'm tough, though. So I've hung out in California for 25 years since then, thinking I actually enjoyed and thrived on the healthy blood found in the exercise-conscious population of California and its finest cemeteries. However, a couple years ago, I was devastated when I realized someone was using my likeness for a line of dolls called "BRATZ"--I'm sure you see the beautiful resemblance the dolls have to me. I tried calling the manufacturer but was only laughed at. Finally disgusted with the lack of recognition and American capitalism at its worst, I hopped on the following full moon's brightest moonbeam and ended up in England. Healthy blood or not, I needed to start over and thought perhaps the well-aged blood of England's Old World cemeteries would better connect me to my true calling in life.
Most vampires are confined to night activity, but I knew I could not leave my beauty for only the night crowds to enjoy. I knew I must share my beauty with everyone (besides the lighting is better in the daytime). I use a special sunscreen that's SPF (Supernatural Protection Factor) 3000 that my grandfather invented after many years of needing a day job. This special sunscreen allows me to travel the European countryside during the day, stake out my victims, and feed whenever I'm hungry.
I've been to Highgate Cemetery (which boasts it's own vampire), a graveyard in the village of Fingest where a greedy Bishop's codemned soul wanders, Waddesdon Hill Chapel, and many other haunted locales.
My goal is to visit as many cemeteries as possible. Variety is the spice of life (and blood taste). I hear the blood is quite good in Bordeaux and Burgundy, and I'd like to visit Chianti also.
If you find me, be careful. It's probably close to my feeding time and I DO bite!